You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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