i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
