Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
