Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drake has all the answers
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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