I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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