turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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