she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
