Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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