Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dignity is for republicans.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I would fuck him just for his dog
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
