What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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