Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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