Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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