i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
