Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
