This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
