What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
