I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize