I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
