the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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