What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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