It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
