So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
