Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I forget how to act sober
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