sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
