Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
