I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
