coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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