I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
