i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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