don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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