I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
