We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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