Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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