he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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