I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
