You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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