OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My dick has a subreddit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
