I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
