also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize