i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
