decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
