i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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