Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
