Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
organizing the empties. That sober.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
