The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
