You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
