haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
