dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
