I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
