you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
