Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
