Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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