So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
