I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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