Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
BRING THE BAGELS
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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