but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
