Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
