I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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