I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
