Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
