the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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