sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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