Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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