I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize