my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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