God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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