i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
